Just another day

Just another day in IF land

Hairstylist: "I moved here to be with my boyfriend. My kids love it here".

Me: (please don't ask, please don't ask, please don't ask)

Hairstylist: "Do you have kids"

Me: (damnit) "no" (I want kids, I can't have kids, I've been denied the right to have kids, my womb is barren, thanks for making me think about his right now, I hate that I can't have kids, we've been trying for over 3 years, been told it won't happen, I really want children and wished I had them right now. Why does conversation always have to involve kids. I'm barren and I hate it. No, no I don't have children.)

Hairstylist: "Oh, how long have you been married?"

Me: "4 years" (yup, that's right. 4 years, no we aren't waiting, no we aren't pursuing our careers, no we aren't enjoying our time without them, no we don't have plenty of time, no it's not good to wait any longer, we AREN'T WAITING!)

Hairstylist: "well, seriously just enjoy your time before you have them"

Me: (did she seriously just say that?) "sure" (if only you knew..... dr's appointments, needles, shots, ultrasounds, 2 surgeries, scars, tears, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, hospital stays, catheters, biopsies, dozens of blood draws, charting, despair, anger, frustration, loneliness, $$$$$$, enometriosis, pain, pain, pain, pain.......yes, we've really lived up our barren years)

Hairstylist: "well, I had my first when I was 20, I was so young"

Me: (good for you, you made the most of your prime childbearing age)

Hairstylist: "My boyfriend wants more children but I am so done! I'm getting way too old anyways I don't think I could do it again."

Me: "well you look like you are young enough to have more" (please don't tell me that you are like 30 or something)

Hairstylist: "ya, I'm 30, but I told him there's no way I'm having any after age 35"

Me: "well, it's good you have your two children already then" (right, because at 35 you are bascially old and dried up, by goodness you are practically a senior citizen! I mean, it's not like I'll be turning 35 next year and we probably still won't have even started our family by then and what on earth are we going to do then? What if we want more than one child, that means I might have to have one when I'm, GASP, almost 40! We might not even have ONE until I am 40, we might not even have ONE AT ALL, EVER!!!)

Just another day in the mind of a person suffering from IF. Just another example of what it's like to have answer the question, what's like to have to talk about our plans for children....to a complete stranger.