The difference a year makes

It's funny how going through something hard like IF completely changes your opinion or views on things. I know at one point in my life I thought I could never go through something like IVF. If I couldn't have a baby, well, then of course I would "just adopt". Just hearing those words make me want to puke. Not that I am against adoption at all, it's just, until you've been through the fire, you have no idea what you will think or what you will want to do. It makes me so mad when people say or even think that they know what they would do in my situation or think they know what I should do in my situation. *I* didn't even know what I would do or say or think in my situation. You just don't know until you are there. One thing IF has taught me is to be so less judgemental about what other people do given their own tragic circumstances. I will never again think I have answers for someone else.

What a difference a year makes.......last year I was just coming off of my LAP surgery and things looked hopeful. My ovaries were ok, no more endometriosis, and even my HSG came out totally clear. One year ago I was hoping and praying and believing that I would never have to do IVF, that somehow we would concieve without it. IVF was like the worst thing in the world to me, all of those shots and hormones and cost, no way did I want to subject myself to that. This year.....I am hoping and praying that at least one doctor would give me chance at IVF, IF ONLY I could do IVF then maybe we could have a chance at having our own baby.

I know that other women in my position have been given a chance and they have concieved through IVF, even with FSH worse than mine. Mike and I have decided that once we find out if he gets laid off at Harley and if he doesn't, then we are going to start looking for another doctor who is willing to try IVF with us. I am starting to feel some glimmer of hope that maybe treatment is really not out of the question for us, as I have been learning about other women who have gone through treatment and have been successful. I just refuse to believe that I don't have ONE good egg. I have regular cycles, I have positive OPK's, all of my biologicial signs tell me that I am ovulating. I just can't believe that my "only chance" for a pregnancy is with donor eggs. Donor eggs my ass. I am willing to give my own a try, thank you very much!