The Most Dreaded Day

It would seem that Mother's Day is the most dreaded day when you are going through infertility. Usually, it is. I guess for most it is. For me it has been except for this year. We didn't go to church today, so that probably helped. I think I am in a more peaceful place right now so that helps too.

The truth is, there are so many dreaded days when you long for something you can't have. Mother's day is just another day. I am reminded on so many other days that I am not mom. I am reminded whenever I got the grocery store and see a mom with her two toddlers strolling down the isle or when I'm asked to go to the zoo with my friends and all their children and I feel like the 5th wheel. There really isn't anything different about today. When you aren't a mom, it seems like any day that someone gets to be a mom should be a celebration.

Holidays - they are hard. Each one is another reminder that another year has gone by and there still isn't an addition to your family. Last year, when you said "maybe next Christmas" or "maybe next Thanksgiving we'll be really thankful".....yet here you are and still nothing. You've said it for several years now and you finally get it that there isn't going to be a "next year" either.

Birthdays - same as above. Another year older. Another year lost. Time and age are not your friends when you have infertility. Infertility is one wound that I don't think time heals at all and getting older hurts you rather than helps.

Women related events - for me, these would include like a women's retreat, or a women's Bible Study. There's nothing more uncomfortable than being around a group of women your age and you have nothing to contribute to the conversation because you are not part of the mommy club.

Family gatherings of any kind - you can only take so much of "when are you going to start your family?" or "guess what, so and so is pregnant" (and she is not married, or has been married 3 months and is all of 22).

Baby Showers - I have not attended one in over a year. Just can't. Why torture yourself? Why put yourself in a situation where all you feel like doing for 3 hours straight is running out the door and sobbing your eyes out? The sad thing is, you know more about Boppies and Lansinoh and Baby Einstein than the woman having the shower because you've been to so many showers and have seen so many friends go through pregancy and have babies you're practically an expert on what you need, except you lack the actual baby.

Childrens' birthday parties - constant reminders that you are completely and involuntarily clueless about life with children. You don't know much about Dora the Explorer or the latest potty training techniques.

So really, what is so bad about Mother's Day?