This article made me angry and sad. Angry that these women seem ungrateful for the beautiful gift that they have been given. Sad because they don't seem to realize the beautiful gift they have been given. If they knew what an awesome, amazing miracle it is just to be able to have a baby, maybe they wouldn't be so depressed. Let's rewrite some of this story from the eyes of an infertile:
"LAS VEGAS - Katherine Asbery was so depressed that her third child was a boy, she wouldn't even say the sex. She called him "not a girl," and spent hours crying."
[Name of any infertile woman] was so depressed that her 42nd attempt at TTC was "negative" she couldn't even look at the pregnancy test. She cried out "once again. NOT a baby" and spent days crying.
"She and her husband had even tried different techniques that promised to yield a girl. "That dream of what you wanted is gone, and you have to learn to live with that," she said." - um, they still got a baby, didn't they???? How is their dream gone?
She and her husband had even tried different treatments that hopefully would yield a pregnancy. That dream of what you wanted is gone, and you have to learn to live with that.
"And they tell you it's a boy, it's like, ahhhh. For that short moment, you're kind of bummed in the back of your mind. There's not going to be any pink dresses. There's not going to be any scrapbooking. That's not going to happen," she said. - scrapbooking??? seriously????
And they tell you you have very little chance of conceiving and it's like pure devastation. For the next several years you face a complete life crisis, you are faced with overwhelming grief. There aren't going to be any pink dresses or blue onesies. There's not going to be any baby showers, whether pink or blue, there's not going be a nursery. That's not going to happen.
Lich gets tired of people making comments such as: "Are you going to try for the girl?" or "You need to have the girl."
Infertile person gets tired of people making comments like, "why don't you just adopt, or you just need to stop thinking about it, or why don't you try such and such treatment"
Even now, four years after her third child, she can't bring herself to buy clothes for a little girl's birthday because she just can't look at the outfits.
Even now, four years after trying for her FIRST child, she can't bring herself to attend baby showers or buy gifts for babies because the pain is so deep.
Her third son is 3 years old now, and Asbery admits she still has some pangs of sadness. She sometimes looks at her son and wonders, just for a moment, what he would look like as a girl. She and her husband are not going to have more children. Their family is complete, she said, and she doesn't feel like someone is missing anymore.
Her empty crib is 3 years old now, and infertile woman admits she still has immense feelings of sadness. She sometimes looks at her empty crib and wonders, every single day what her baby would look like if she were able to have one. Their family is incomplete and she feels like someone is missing every single hour of every day.
I guess the last sentence could remain the same:
"It's normal. And they shouldn't feel like a freak," she said. "It is a normal process of when a dream has changed. You just have to relearn a different dream."
Except our different dream is the possibility of never having a dream come true at all. Maybe if these women walked one day in our shoes they wouldn't be depressed over the inability to scrapbook in pink and purple.
**italics taken from:
It’s a boy? Disappointment plagues some moms: Experts say little-talked-about issue can be heartbreaking for some from MSNBC.com
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