I've been recovering over the past two weeks. I actually felt pretty good about the 4th day after surgery except I that had terrible headaches about days 3-5 afterwards. I also discovered that I am allergic to the dermabond that they used instead of stitches or staples. I broke out in a rash in an area about 2 inches around each of my incisions. Other than that, I feel pretty good now, other than getting a little sore here and there.

Both DH and I have been through a whirlwind of emotions the past two weeks. I can't stand to see him cry, I think that hurts more than anything else. I know he has cried over our inability to have bio children, but I know that seeing me go through this hurts him even more. yesterday he completely broke down after I discussed my phone consult (more on that below) with our new RE, he said he just can't stand the thought of me going through all of this (pain and surgeries) and feels so helpless. God has given me an amazing husband, and I hope I don't ever take him for granted.

I spoke briefly with our new RE, the specialist with endo. surgery. He wanted to get more background info on me before coming in. I can't believe he called himself and not one of his nurses....I hope this is a good sign that he will be a great doctor. He did mention that he does not believe a hysterectomy is "inevitable" and in most patients, able to be avoided with surgery. He said in many cases, when women have a hysterectomy, their endo does not go away, nor does the pain, and many times continues to get worse. I guess we'll see what he says after he has a chance to look at my file and we meet with him next week.

I've been struggling with adoption lately. I don't know if everyone goes through this but it's like, now that it's standing here, right in front of me, I feel like I can't move on it. Maybe it's just not time yet, maybe it's fear? I've been praying for so long for DH to be ready, but now I feel like I am not ready. I've also been thinking more about egg donation lately. I know in the past I've kind of written it off because I always thought if having to chose between the two, I definitely would choose adoption.....but now I am not so sure. I don't know, I know we need to keep praying until we find an answer and feel at peace about moving forward. It's all just so overwhelming, no matter what we do, we have to put a lot of time, work, effort, tears and blood into it and after so many years of IF, I truly just want an easy solution, I really do. I am just so weary of all that we've had to do to try and start our family. Can't someone just plop a baby in my arms and tell me it's mine?