I am on my final stretch at work. I have a big event that I am in charge of this week that has made me so stressed out lately. Can't wait till it's done. Then I just have one more week of work and I am done and will concentrate on finding a new house and moving. Mike and I have been apart for 6 weeks now and I am getting pretty lonely up here by myself. I don't like living separate lives like this.

I've been temping for the past few cycles and apparently this cycle, I am on CD 21 and i have yet to ovulate.....if i am reading my temps correctly. I usually have pretty regular cycles, but every once in a while I have a screwy one. the only good thing is that I am traveling this weekend to visit friends and I probably would have gotten AF, now I know I most likely won't. I am so glad because I am ready for a weekend of fun with friends and don't want AF to join us! On the flip side of course, I wonder if I am slowly approaching perimenopause, so it does make me nervous whenever I skip a cycle.

On the "it sucks having IF" front - I found out this week that my cousin's son, who is barely out of high school, is going to have a baby with his gf. Nice. Way to go. Also, Dh's cousin had her baby shower. The nice thing about being 3 hours away is that I am not expected to be at all these family functions. I heard it was big and extravagant and cost tons of money....just like her wedding.

Can you tell I am struggling with bitterness lately? I guess I don't deserve a baby anymore than they do. Sometimes I feel like i don't deserve a baby at all...maybe that's why God won't give us one. I know that's not really why, but after this long, I am starting to wonder. What IS IT that we are doing wrong?